Thursday, August 19, 2010

One Year

Well, its been one year now that I have been living with my mom and sister. While I am very thankful to have a roof over my head, food and a place to sleep, I am feeling a bit sadden and a bit depressed lately. I was so hoping we would have our own place by now, but I guess its not in the cards so to speak. I really don't see any way we will be moving out anytime soon. Hubby is still working on commission and personally my feelings about commission aren't pleasurable. I won't chat about it here, because it has been a great source of discussion at home, and I am tired of "talking" aka arguing about it.

I had thought at 41 years old I would be settled, have a home and car by now. Maybe I am going through mid-life crisis, because all I can think of is that time is flying by and I haven't reached my goal of independence. How crazy is it to be my age and still feel like bum, mooching off my family. Once the little ones are in school I will be in a better position to work outside the home. Right now daycare would cost more than what I would make working. Writing has helped some with money, but trying to get out 10 articles a week has proved to be a daunting task. Time... it seems I have no time to write. Late evening when I have free time, I am too tired to make a sentence sound even readable. My brain lags, my thoughts aren't clear and I end up not putting down one word. Hopefully I can get back into the swing of things and get something finished.

Well I guess enough griping today. Putting my chin up again, taking a deep breath and charging forward. Someday... someday things just have to work out. I do know one thing, I won't quit trying, no matter how many times I keep stumbling and falling down, I am getting up. Granted as I am getting older, it takes me a little longer to jump to me feet :), but none the less, I will stand.


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